Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
After  31 years of marriage, my son-in-law  decided  he was unhappy  and wrote his own divorce papers. My daughter read them and  made  a couple of  changes  and the divorce became final  last year. My ex-son-in-law  was never a good provider   and his indiscretions  are far too numerous  to list . However he still calls  and come over all the time. They have  two adult  sons  who have not been told  that they are legally divorced .
Yesterday , I got a call  from my daughter  asking if I had sent  him a birthday  card . I replied ,"No, I don't  consider him  part of the family ." She said , "Well, he is the father  of your grandsons ." Did I do wrong ?
Annoyed Grandma 
Dear Grandma ,
You are not obligated  to send  your ex-son-in-law  a birthday card, but he was a member of your family  for 31 years  and probably  still wants to be treated  as such .  And if your  daughter  wants  you to send  him a card, it would be a kindness  to do so . But one of them should notify  the children  of their parents' legal status .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I need your  help . I am  a single mother  of three children and  my oldest daughter  recently  had a baby  girl . Now I have four  children  to take care off, and I need  a way to keep my 10-year-old  and 3-year-old's spirits high while  I take care of my oldest daughter and her  baby girl . I know the transition will  be challenging  . Do  you have  advice  on how  to raise  these children without  pulling my hair out  ?
Do Not Know What to Do 
Dear Do Not Know What To Do ,
One step at a time is all you can do. That and get super organized . Everyone in your home  needs to have  responsibilities,  including the 3-year-old . It's best if some of their duties  involve the baby because the little ones are likely  jealous  now that there is someone taking so much of your attention  away from them  ... in their young minds, anyway .
Prehaps the 3-year-old  can help bring  wipes  when  mom is changing the baby  . One can bring the bottle over after  an adult  has heated it  on the stove . Pick little duties that will make  the children  feel important  in the family . Also, schedule  time to help  them with their homework  and talk to them  at night   before  they go to sleep . Listen to them  as they share  their  thoughts  about   the new family  dynamics. Meanwhile, teach  your new mom  how to be a mom  and how to behave  responsibly now that she  has brought a child into the world .
Next, get help . Build a village with friends, family and neighbors  so that you are not  taking  care of your family alone . Ask them to help  you entertain  the children . Finally, do something  for yourself . Take a long hot bath  at night . Take a long  walk  in your neighborhood . Take a few minutes each day for  yourself .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
It snowed  really badly the other day  and I ended  up not  being able  to attend  my friend's party  because it was too dangerous  to go outside . I called my friend to apologize  in advance . He basisally  hung up on me saying I was a wuss  for not braving the weather  to come to his birthday party . I couldn't believe  it . Where I live, which is in a rural area , nobody cleaned the streets   and they were covered with ice  . Some power lines went down  I think my friend was out of line  in being so rude to me  . How  can I address this to him ?
Over It 
Dear Over It ,
Call your  friend . Ask him how his party went . Remind him  that you were unable  to come  due to the weather. Tell him directly that you were offended  by the way  he spoke to you . Tell him  you thought  your friendship was more valuable  than that . Now the ball is in his court .Maxy